Hottest New Diet Trend

Lately I’ve been experiencing some health woes.  Beware, this post is about health-related issues.  If you do not want to waste your time reading such garbage, then look away now.

Down to business.  My stomach has been acting up.  And by “acting up”, I mean it has been behaving like a little kid in a toy store who can’t have a single toy.  It’s on the ground – arms flailing and voice screeching.  Okay, so my stomach doesn’t have arms or a vocal box.  But if it did, it would be doing just that.

I haven’t really been able to eat a whole lot of anything lately.  What I have found to be satisfactory (read: hurts like hell but stays down) to my stomach is V8 juice, apple juice, plain yogurt, a little bit of pretzels, and bananas.  The occasional peanut butter and jelly sandwich seems to suffice as well.  I’m currently trying out nutritional shakes to see if it will stand those and to prevent from losing too much weight.

Here’s a list of what I cannot currently eat:



Yea, so that pretty much sums it up.  Anti-acids don’t seem to work.  What research I have done suggests that I may have too little stomach acid and that is why A) the anti-acids aren’t working and 2) my stomach isn’t digesting much of anything.  I doubt this because when my stomach is empty, as it has been more than not lately, it feels like a raging disco inferno.  I would assume this to mean too much stomach acid.. but then why aren’t the anti-acids working?  I am considering trying a gluten-free diet but when I eat pretzels or the occasional PB&J sandwich, I don’t get as bad issues as when I eat foods that would be gluten-free.  Must be something else.

On a side note, milk is now out.  I’ve noticed that milk makes things worse.  I used to be lactose intolerant until they took my gallbladder out and then *poof*, I could drink milk again. Which is really weird considering that no gallbladder would mean my pancreas would have to work harder to digest the milk.  Strange.  At any rate.. I’m running out of good stuff  to use for stress relief.  No alcohol because of my liver, no ice cream because of my stomach.. Dear god.. will they take away my chocolate next?

HEADLINE:  Woman goes on a rampage and claims that a lack of chocolate was the cause.  This story after we find out why the hottest new celebrity is doing shit I don’t care about.


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