I Have the Solution…

… to war.  Seriously.

Stand up comedy.  Seriously.

Let’s take the best stand up comedians from our country and pit them against the best stand up comedians from yours.  Everyone will come from all over to watch the festivities.  This will increase tourism.  There can be objective judges (UN representatives?) and we can even have themes!  Like pirates versus ninjas or some such.

This is a win-win situation.  There could be rules against using derogatory comedy about the other country and it’s officials to prevent actual violence.  The comedy will have to be original and witty.  It will make people use their brains instead of their guns.  There could even be comedy Olympics to act as a competition that would prove who was the country’s best stand up comedians that were able to “enlist”.

Come on, this is great!  I know that I would save up my hard earned money to visit another country and hear a day or two of non-stop funny stuff.  I would nominate the following professional funny people:

Ben Bailey

Jim Gaffigan

John Pinette

 

 

Okay, let’s break this down.  The pros are as follows:  The hosting country gains revenue from tourism.  All countries gain revenue from not having to pay for the actual war.  Instead of paying for personnel and equipment to be sent to another country (or to be used in defending their own), the country could pay far less to use comedians.  They will actually make money off of things like sponsorships and tourism.  Win win!  Not to mention the death toll would drop dramatically.  Not too many people would actually die laughing.  This scenario would also impact the cultures of all countries in a positive way.  Instead of putting such a strong focus on violence, people would start to use humor.

The cons?  Yea, those power hungry mongers wouldn’t have the same kind of satisfaction.  It is all about perspective though.  If we as the public can lift stand up comedy to an art form that far surpasses the status of war, then we can convince these mongers that war is no longer necessary.  It’s time to use stand up comedians.  And not as catapult bait.

We don’t have to make love instead of war, though using porn instead of war could work too… Naw.  We can make funny instead of war!  It’s better!  It’s funnier!  And it’s never going to happen.

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