We’re off to see the doctor..

..the one that knows us too well.


Eh, it doesn’t roll off the tongue quite the same way, but nothing seems to, anymore. Oh yes, that’s right folks! Step right up for another fun packed health rant. Dun dun dun.

So today I had to take off of work for being sick. Again. Wait.. you can only say you’re sick again if you get well at some point. So either I’m a pro, ninja-level hypochondriac (which my husband might agree with), or I have a horrible immune system. Pull it together immune system! You have one friggin’ job! Suck it up pansies!

That’s pretty much what I tried doing to myself to “pysch” myself up for a day at work.. but it failed. I went to the store for soups, sherbert, 7up and jelly.  I promptly came home and laid down, but apparently I can’t do that. Yea, I have a fever and am shakey all over but my body is saying a big fat “NOPE” to lying down.  Go figure.

So I sit on the Internet with a fever-induced delirium and that’s when I decide to blog. It’s kind of like drunk-blogging.. only I will probably remember all of it. Unless the fever gets worse and I start seeing purple lawn mowers on the ceiling. Or that giant chicken. Did you see the size of that chicken?!


At any rate, I’ve been struggling with heart, allergy and general immunity problems this year. Throw in a virus and my body is beginning to revert back to being a toddler. It’s not the fun way you dream about, either. You know, when you have to do adult things *again* and start daydreaming about nap times, play times, and not having to lift a damn finger. It turns out to be quite the opposite: your body just doesn’t want to work properly anymore. My tongue can’t seem to produce correct sounds, but that’s okay because the two brain cells I have left can’t produce a thought worth speaking anyways. My coordination is abominable. It’s so bad that I probably looked like a drunk walking through the aisles at the store, even though I had a cart to hold onto. My ability to stay awake is severely compromised. Light effects my eyes like a blunt object being thrown in my face: cue dramatic “Oh my God, it’s coming right at me” face and then a headache. Why?! Because reasons.


I want to go back..

There is no one reason why I get sick like this a lot. And before anyone gets all, “Aww, poor thing.” Or, “Humph, searching for more attention?” Let me get something perfectly clear: I do not like getting attention from this kind of thing. I generally don’t tell others about it going on except when I reach my limits.. like now. I do not tell people that I think it might freak out because it’s just not worth doing that to someone else. If I tell someone, all I want in return is an acknowledgement that I have spoken and then on with life. “Oh yea, I understand. Okay, who needs to do an initiative check?”  The only person that I complain to on a constant level about any of this is my poor, poor husband. Truly, I feel for the guy. He has to hear me complain on an hourly basis about how awful I feel physically and how it’s making me feel mentally and emotionally. At some point, he’s going to leave and then I’ll turn into one of those crazy cat ladies that is always mumbling to their pets. Oh, I do that anyway.

In general, I only talk about this stuff outside of my comfy zone when I am overwhelmed by it and searching for answers, understanding, and reassurance that it will, in fact, be okay in a couple of days. I am not going to die, even though I feel like that guy on Alien who gave birth through his alimentary canal. Everything will stay in tact and I will be able to start functioning like a human being again. An adult human being.

With that said, tomorrow I hope to wiggle an appointment in with the doctor and not hear the usual, “Well, all the test are normal,” followed by an obviously forced empathetic stare. Just because the results come back normal doesn’t mean there’s nothing wrong. If the symptoms are still there, it’s probably time to try something else. But I guess I’m the crazy one because the tests you happen to order keep coming back normal. I must be physically great then. It must all just be in my head. *cue angry rant*

So, to recap: Being sick sucks, especially when you already obsess about these things for other reasons. Missing work sucks because of a skinny paycheck.  Actually, it’s also bad for me to miss work because it does help me keep my sanity a little bit (what little is left). And trying to get well through the current medical establishment sucks because it’s like trying to talk to a tree about global warming. They don’t give a shit even though it directly involves them. Also, I will probably regret posting this when I get to feeling better.. but you know, non-alcoholic drunk blogging. Off to kill that chicken!


PS: Do you know how many times I’ve hit backspace to type this thing? Like.. a lot. A lot lot.. lot.


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