I am stupid

This is what has been running through my head all day long. Why do I think I am stupid? Because of tests.

When I was younger, I had no problem with tests. If I read something in a book once, it was in my brain forever. As I’ve aged and had a bout of head trauma, this is no longer the case. I have difficulty absorbing something the first time, let alone remembering it for very long.

All of those things I once knew as an adolescent are long gone. I can’t remember how you find the area of anything, let alone how you figure out what number X is supposed to be.  Percentages are a joke and I have no idea why anyone in their right mind would want to calculate just how fast those damn trains are going in the first place.

Why all the hubbub over school-related issues? Because of Work Keys.

Work Keys is an assessment program (I can hear you groaning already). Yes, it is just as bad as it sounds. I’ve always been against quantifying someone’s mental abilities in such a way. Many times, the things someone has to offer are completely missed by such standardized tests.  Still, it is a hoop I have to jump through. And jump I will if it means a better work environment and more security for my family.

If you want to read up on that particular subject, try my last blog post HERE.

At any rate, this test wants to see how much you know when it comes to reading comprehension, applied mathematics, observational skills, and mechanical understating – to name a few.  At this rate, I’m going need to take courses just to get into an entry level position. I’ve ranted enough about the pits of all that, I’m just here to focus on the test and my lack of knowledge.

You see, growing up, I always got the recognition and praise for my hard work. I was always being told how smart, beautiful, etc I was. It’s not a bad thing to tell people their good points, but I think it went to my head. Add to that my current mental predicament and there’s a real crisis here.

Now, I have to relearn a lot of forgotten tidbits and not get any recognition for doing so. It is expected that I know all of this so I’m actually getting disappointment for not knowing it. Whoa! What a turn of events.

My saving grace is, as per usual, Hubby. He has been (very patiently) helping me through practice tests.  His ability to just know an answer through instinctual reasoning has me seething with envy, but I won’t let frustration stop me. I am tempted to just throw my hands up in the air and go cry out of self pity. I’m sure my tiny violin doesn’t have a whole lot of dust on it. God knows I like to play it a lot.

No, I think that I will continue on this rough course and hopefully come out the better for it. Dare I say it, I’m going to have to start studying.  I had better stock up on the chocolate.

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