Oh Baby!

Yup, that’s right; I’m preggers.

Hold up. Don’t congratulate me so quickly. For us, it wasn’t difficult to get pregnant. In fact, it was exceedingly unexpected.. and came at an inconvenient time. But, as I’ve been told a lot lately, that’s usually how it works.

I’ve learned a lot since getting pregnant. The first thing I learned was that I can no longer eat the foods I love… except Chinese food; the baby loves Chinese food. YES!

Ahem.

The baby hates chocolate, the majority of sweets, potato chips, most pizza, etc.. etc..

Not only has it been difficult to find food that doesn’t turn the inside of my mouth into a sewer-tasting cesspit, it’s been hard to keep said foods down.

Texture, people… texture is everything. No more bananas or anything that could immediately turn to mush in my mouth.
Is it chewy? Nope. If I have to chew for an extended period of time.. not only is it not going down, it’s going to bring everything else back up.
That means cutting my meats into eensy teensy pieces, limiting the bread, and spitting out the rest.

And did I mention the gag reflex? Let’s just say brushing my teeth is like playing Russian roulette. It’s this damn gag reflex that is exacerbating my morning sickness 24/7 nausea.

However, this has led to a eureka moment! I finally figured out how Mother Nature gets the pregnant woman to think that the act of giving birth in and of itself doesn’t sound so bad.
You know, the part where you have to push a watermelon out of a hole the size of a toilet paper tube. Yeah, it scares the crap out of me. (Probably literally when the birthing process begins.)

Well, when I give birth (and go through the weeks of after birth pain… fuck you Mother Nature..) I can eat again!

*dances*

So, that means I can eat chocolate without it tasting like a cow pasture smells. I can eat bananas without the texture making me masticate in reverse. And.. I can eat potato chips, again!

No wonder women gain weight after they give birth. They can finally eat!