When I was younger… I know. Ugh. “She’s going all the way back to then. Pass the chips, Earl, it’s going to be a long read.”
Seriously, it’s going to be okay. Just hear me out.
When I was younger, my family called me “Ms.Spock”. I was forever saying, “That’s not logical,” to the point that it drove people crazy. I have not lost this gift *cough* annoying habit.
It tends to rear it’s ugly head when I’m browsing my social media feed (I’m looking at you, Facebook!) and I see those sickeningly sweet quotes. You know the ones. They’re in creative fonts and are plastered across pictures of serene fields, or flowers, or laughing children.
Ahh, that’s the stuff. Cliched and soppy saying? Check! Serene field and bonus sunset? Double check!
Here’s the thing that immediately pops into my head when I read this: “It takes 80 milliseconds for the human brain to process anything so we are constantly living in the past. This makes no sense.”
That’s it. Not, “Awww, that’s totally on point! We should all make the here-and-now more enjoyable.” Nope.
The alliteration just killed me. I am totally not stressing anymore, though, since I don’t have a heartbeat. I guess it worked.
Seriously, I guess your catchy and rhyming phrase has totally changed my life. I now see the error of my ways! Oh how wrong I ..
You get the idea.
Don’t get me wrong, I do have emotional responses to these things.. every now and again. I’m not a total robot.
Fuck you, buddy. Seriously, just back the fuck off and take your rose-colored glasses with you. No, I don’t want to hear about how I can reach enlightenment. Do you want to hear about how I can make your head reach the ceiling with one kick. No? Buh-bye, then.
I’m not bitter. I swear. Just sick of seeing these memes.
People! Stop with the memes!
Unless it has cats in it. Cat memes are always acceptable. It is totally logical.
Thank you and good night.